Dictionary for men/women's personal ads hahahaha

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No ****
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitach
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

 

 

• DICTIONARY FOR MEN'S PERSONAL ADS
  
  40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
  Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
  Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
  Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot
  Free Spirit - Sleeps with your sister
  Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity
  Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
  Good looking - Arrogant bastard
  Honest - Pathological liar
  Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
  Like to cuddle - Insecure, overly dependent
  Mature - Until you get to know him
  Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
  Physically fit - Spends a lot of time in front of mirror admiring himself
  Poet - Has written on a bathroom stall
  Spiritual - Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
  Stable - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
  Thoughtful - Says "please" when demanding a beer

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight =Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay